the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
