I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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