I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
