I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
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