i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
