After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
