you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
