Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
last night I used snow as a chaser
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
