i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
