There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
