Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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