Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
