I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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