I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Randomize
