now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Randomize