He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
