walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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