Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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