shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize