i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
You left your phone here
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