I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Randomize
