if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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