woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
