the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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