I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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