did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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