Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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