I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
