i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
