I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
You ate ashes out of my bong
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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