i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
