so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
