I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
