thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
