So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
