We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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