this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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