real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
