I didn't shave. On purpose
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
he was CRYING into my vagina
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Dick very happy bro
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize