my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
