She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
