Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
