mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
