Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
