If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
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