plz talk dirty to me
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
