There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
