You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
