i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
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