Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
