none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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