So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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