I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
