wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Randomize
