i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
