I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
