No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Randomize
