where am i from again
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
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