Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
