I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
