My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
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