dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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