Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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